Homeschool Support Groups

When people first come to me for advice about homeschooling I always tell them to join a support group.  When my son was little I was very hesitant to join support groups as I am quite an introvert and going along to meet other people that I did not know was somewhat daunting and at times depressing.  I remember going to one group about ADHD and I just sat there listening to everyone’s rather sad stories.  They did not seem to relate to me or my situation and I was too shy to really intercept any conversation so I just sat, listened and waited and then when the time was up I just picked up my coat and walked out that door not having made one friend, not feeling supported or understood and certainly not uplifted.  It felt nothing like how I had envisioned a support group!  However in the past 15 years things have changed rapidly with the meteoric rise of the internet.  Now you no longer even have to leave your house if you have access to a computer, smart phone or some other form of technology that will enable you to access the web.  There are so many online support groups now it can feel a little overwhelming but don’t give up.  There are local, national and international – the choice is yours.  I think it is a good idea to choose a few and just get a feel for them and see whether they resonate with you.  I find most of my support groups on mediums such as Facebook where there are a heap of closed groups that give you privacy to be able to speak your mind.  When the group is closed it means that only the members in it can see what you have written and nobody else will have access to it on your news feed.  This gives benefits to those who seek privacy and don’t wish for everything they write to be shown to all on their friends list.  If a group is run properly then when people ask to join they will be screened.  It they are not a friend or a friend of a friend then an admin person should be clarifying with them why they wish to join the group.  This protects other members as it can be an avenue for opportunists who just want to get into the group and sell their wares or pedal a business.  It will never by 100% full proof but on the whole the groups can be kept safe and if any rogue person does gain access the admin can delete them and block them so that they cannot gain access again.  This really is only a problem for some of the larger groups.  SunnyHomeschool Support Hub that I started on the Sunshine Coast was intended to support local people who were new to homeschooling and wanted help with paperwork or other advice on the practicalities of homeschooling and how you become registered or join a distance education provider.  It has however grown into far more than that and we now have nearly 400 members covering a substantial distance.  It has meant a bigger workload and we have needed to take on more administrators to share the load but it has been wonderful connecting with other homeschoolers across Queensland, Australia and some from overseas.  We have so much to learn from each other.  The majority of the activity does however come from locals who interact and arrange meet-ups, excursions, courses, field trips or whatever else our wonderful online community can come up with.  There are also many smaller regional groups popping up all the time and it is a great place to shout out and find if there are other homeschoolers in your local area.  It has also been a place to cry, laugh and share troubles in a non-judgemental arena and nobody has to leave their house to do so (unless they don’t have the technology to access this kind of support).  If you don’t have it at home there are always internet cafes and libraries that can assist you.  For me the online support groups have been a lifeline where you can share ideas, success stories, group gatherings, resources, information of all kinds and offload any concerns that you may be harbouring and it does not bring the social worries that actually face to face meetings can bring about for many of us and especially for those on the spectrum.  Even for my son who was very much unschooled and just did his own thing alone at home (never wanting to go and meet other homeschoolers), when he decided to access Brisbane School of Distance Education when he was doing Year 11 and 12, the online community became such a gift to him where previously he had struggled with friendships in real life because of some of his differences, online he was accepted.  He could be himself and chat with others with a lot less judgments being made than when he was at school.  He could access forums whereby discussion would take place on subjects he was studying and students could support each other in a far less threatening way than actual physical meet-ups.  A real joy for us was that when he eventually went to University some of those online friends that he made went with him and they are still friends today 4 years down the track.  That is a real blessing for a boy who grew up with very few (if any) real friends.

Many of these online groups make times where they meet up in real life so then if that is important to you it is available.  Not everyone just enjoys online relationships.  Often we use that time as a park play for our children and the parents will chat and put the world to rights amongst themselves whilst their children go off and have fun and make connections or the parents might listen to a speaker on a relevant topic that may be of interest.  It is such an important part of homeschooling for me and I have found the benefits to be enormous.  Whereby previously when my son was young and I had no access to support groups I found the journey a lot more worrying and stressful when all I had was my own head to try and sort out my worries and nobody else to give advice, suggestions or just a hug or pat on the back so that I felt I was not alone and was doing ok.  As the saying goes a worry shared is a worry halved and it has certainly been the case for me.  Although I like lots of my own time, meeting up with others occasionally to give and receive support has become an important part of my homeschool journey.

Support groups do not come without their downsides as I have learned along the way.  A whole group of people coming from differing walks of life, with different life experiences, expectations and needs is always a place where sometimes conflict can occur and especially within our ASD community where sometimes quirky behaviour is on display.  I try to be very accepting of others and although I agree that we don’t all have to share the same ideals, educational philosophies or parenting styles I do feel for the harmony of the group we have to agree to differ on some points and be respectful of each other when that does occur and accept that all of us come to where we are with our own stories and that is ok.  There is no right or wrong way to homeschool, parent nor live, just the right way for you and your family and none of us have the right to pass judgement.  I feel that we more than others need to be aware of difference and be inclusive and accepting.  Many of the families that I meet have left school after experiencing harrowing times and they have been friendless and often rejected as we once were.  It is important to me that any group that I facilitate is inclusive and shows kindness and compassion to each other.  We often have enough to fight with when our children have issues that need treatment, therapy and a lot of our time and energy.  We do not then need to then find conflict within our support groups.  That is no support at all.  I know it is sometimes hard but it is an ideal that I try to adhere to as much as I can.  Life is too short to invite conflict into our lives.

I think we also need to be mindful of the information that we are given within some of the support groups we go to and take everything in with an open mind.  Some people will swear by a resource that has been the best thing for their child or a system that has worked for them.  It may not be the best for you and you don’t want to be taking on that advice and spending lots of money to set up your homeschool environment when that is not actually the way that will work for you.  I think we can all start panicking when listening to other people who seem to have the best way of doing things and all seems rosy and bright in their world and it can actually make us feel worse rather than better!  When I feel like that I walk away from those interactions.  I don’t need competition nor to start doubting myself.  I find the best support group for me in those times is the beach!  Take what you need from a group but disband with what you don’t.  I have learned that along the way too.  Also we don’t need to be friends with everyone.  That is not possible but at least make all the interactions you do have kind ones and don’t exclude people.  You never know how much of a difference your support one day can make to a person in need even if in your heart you really don’t feel a connection with that person we can all be kind.

Some other support groups offer practical help such as learning co-ops where resources are shared as well as parental skills.  These can be great if your child wants to learn a particular skill and you are not able to teach them yourself or pay for someone else to do so.  Pooling resources and skills is a wonderful way to connect with other homeschoolers and learn along the way.  Even giving each other some time away from the children can be of support to many especially if you have a high need child or children.  A reciprocal child-minding circle if your child is open to that and they don’t mind spending some time away from you can be great.  There are so many different ways to give and receive support.  Everyone needs a helping hand at some point in their life and we can all offer each other so much if we just reach out.  Happy homeschooling everyone J

Some good homeschooling support groups to start with are:-

Homeschool Australia at www.homeschoolaustralia.com

Unschool Australia at www.unschoolaustralia.com

SunnyHomeschool Support Hub at

https://www.facebook.com/groups/SunnyHomeschoolSupportHub/

You don't suffer from Aspergers. You suffer from other people!

Asperger's Cats

The Autism Paradox

Oh lordy this is soooooooooo true - the human brain is an amazing thing! ♥

The Autism Paradox...

1. It's easy to recite an entire book but difficult to make up a story

2. It's easy to line up toys but difficult to stay in line

3. It makes perfect sense to climb on the sofa but little sense to sit on it

4. Memorizing the Presidents in order - 10 minutes. Packing a school bag - 10 hours

5. Family pictures on the wall are boring but that speck of dust next to it, now that's fascinating!

6. Talking about weather patterns - piece of cake. Talking about my day... impossible!

7. Ability to focus on spinning objects - timeless, ability to focus on homework - 3 seconds

8. Being called by name, can't hear it. Some owl hooting in the distance - clear as a bell

9. How to operate the remote control - zero instruction. How to button up pants - intensive instruction

10. Navigating social rules - poorly skilled, Navigating from the back seat of the car - highly skilled

By Jenē Aviram
This article is property of and copyright © 2003-2007 Jene Aviram -http://www.nlconcepts.com/

I am an different - but look just like you

‎I am the child that looks healthy and fine.
I was born with ten fingers and toes.
But something is different, somewhere in my mind, 
And what it is, nobody knows.
I am the child that struggles in school,
Though they say that I'm perfectly smart.
They tell me I'm lazy -- can learn if I try --
But I don't seem to know where to start. 
I am the child that won't wear the clothes 
Which hurt me or bother my feet.
I dread sudden noises,
can't handle most smells, 
And tastes -- there are few foods I'll eat.
I am the child that can't catch the ball 
And runs with an awkward gait. 
I am the one chosen last on the team. 
And I cringe as I stand there and wait. 
I am the child with whom no one will play --
The one that gets bullied and teased
I try to fit in and I want to be liked,
But nothing I do seems to please.
I am the child that tantrums and freaks
Over things that seem petty and trite. 
You'll never know how I panic inside, 
When I'm lost in my anger and fright.
I am the child that fidgets and squirms
Though I'm told to sit still and be good. 
Do you think that I choose to be out of control?
Don't you know that I would if I could?
I am the child with the broken heart 
Though I act like I don't really care.
Perhaps there's a reason I'm made this way --
Some message I'm sent to share.
For I am the child that needs to be loved
And accepted and valued too.
I am the child that is misunderstood.
I am different - but look just like you. ♥

by Kathy Winters.

This is such an honest and heartfelt portrayal of a child with Aspergers - well it is in my house! Makes me cry every time I read it! My son is doing well now, but his childhood was very like this poem in many ways and I just hope that with all my sharing of posts on 'differences' at least one person will take note and through education, children who are somewhat outside of the 'norm' will be accepted for who they are and embraced rather than ostracised! Blessings lovely people ♥

Parenting a child with 'Special Needs'

Not sure I like the term “special needs” but I use it. What does it mean? Having a quick check on Wikipedia it depends on where you live in its definition! However, the country I like best in its interpretation is Germany where special needs children are called “besondere kinder” (“special children”). I like this term best – if I bother to check every country’s definition I may find something better, but for me now this sounds right. I know all children are “special” but for some of us parents the term has a real depth of meaning that perhaps others have not experienced? I have two beautiful children, one of which is diagnosed with ADHD/Aspergers with Dysgraphia and is Gifted! Yes he is truly VERY special. In fact he is one of the most amazing people in my life. In his 15 years of life he has struggled against a system that does not always recognise difference. He inspires me, constantly challenges me in both good and bad ways and is one of the kindest kids I know! If you let me, I would like to share some of our special journey.

He was born on a beautiful sunlit morning. I remember this little bundle of newness being handed to me swaddled in a blanket opening one wise eye and checking me out. What did this cute man’s future hold? My imaginings for our journey together were not really in tune with the reality as it turned out! He was a gorgeously cute baby (as they all are!) and made everyone smile. However, from a young age I knew that something was different about him. It was always his name I heard being called – called away from mischief mostly – not an intentional mischief – it just seemed to search him out! If he could find a way of doing something differently he would. If everyone was going left, he would be going right. If they were going up, he would be going down! He could get away with it whilst he was tiny but then once past being a toddler it became a diagnosed problem. Phone calls from day care, after school clubs, swim squad, holiday programmes – you name it – they would usually call me and tell me of some sort of problem they were having with him. It is not something that I would wish on any Mother. You want to be told good things about your child. You want your child to be liked. You want your child to be invited to birthday parties, play dates and other social gatherings. It hurts to hear the whispers, the judgmental looks. I always vowed that I would speak out for these kids when mine grew up. My son is growing up and doing well now. I did not always think this would be the case! It has taken a lot of hard work, commitment and a thick skin (of which I have very little!). The journey has at times been painful and I have cried many tears. However, I want parents to know that if your child is indeed “special” like mine there is light at the end of the tunnel if you work at it.

Don’t read all the doom and gloom books (or which there are many!) Don’t listen to every specialist without questioning their advice. I have often gone against the grain with the treatment of my son’s disabilities and trusted my mothering instinct. We do not take medication. I wanted my son to know himself as he is, not a medicated version. I wanted him to learn strategies to manage his behaviours. We have looked at diet. We do not do artificial additives. It helps! We drink plenty of water and get adequate sleep. It helps! We talk and discuss things, we share ideas and try to work as a team. Some say parents should not be their child’s friend. I am. It helps (or it has for me!).

I am so proud of my son and what he has achieved in spite of his disabilities. He is an avid Surf Lifesaver serving our local community. He is known in our neighbourhood for being a kid that will help someone in need, especially the sick and the elderly. Without doubt he is “special”. I hope that this blog gives strength to other Mothers who may sometimes feel so alone living with a child who is different. I have been abused and bullied because of my son’s differences. No Mother should have to endure that. Believe in yourself and your child and you too will see the light and when you do I hope that it shines as bright as the light I see now. Blessings to our “besondere kinder”

Home Schooling a 2e Child

Home schooling a child with ADHD/Aspergers/Twice Exceptional (wow what a label!!!!)

I have been asked many times what it is like to home school my son who was diagnosed age three with ADHD and then having started school got a few more labels added namely Aspergers with a mix of Giftedness, together with a learning disability, known as Dysgraphia and all combined together makes for a beautiful but somewhat challenging young man.

I began my home school journey around six years ago when my son having been stood down from most schools (including the one at which I taught) began attending an alternative school in Auckland, that catered for children that were somewhat outside of the ‘norm’. This was a disaster and Samuel became depressed after countless episodes of bullying. My son is a very upbeat person and I really could not stand by and watch his whole personality change before my eyes and all in the name of gaining an education. Henceforth I took a deep breath, argued my case with my husband and decided to bale out of the traditional system and try ‘school at home’.

I was nervous about my decision and really wondered whether I was up to something so ‘different’. I had never questioned school really and certainly had no experience with home schooling, nor knew of an other people home schooling. However, one of the first things I did was reach out and find my local home school community and I really began to tap into what they had to offer. It was not always successful as even within that environment Samuel stood out as different, but it did give me a reference point and somewhere to turn to when I needed help.

At home, to begin with, we really did very little (unschooled), to give ourselves a breather from the stress that had amounted for us both due to what had happened at school. It was a wonderful time where we enjoyed each other’s company, relaxed and planed our way forward. I had trained as a teacher the year before I decided to home school, which is funny because it really fired my enthusiasm for leaving the system! I saw how difficult it was to cater for children who do have extra needs, whatever they may be and it gave me the passion to make a difference for at least one child who struggled against the grain, namely my son. 

Another benefit for being a ‘qualified’ teacher it gave me some kudos when people asked why Samuel was not at school. I would tell them he was ‘home schooled’ and that I was a trained teacher and they seemed to accept this as better than if I was not! The fact is ANYONE can home school and my training had no benefits to me other than enabling me to see school both from the perspective of a teacher and as a Mum with a child that has ‘special needs’.

Once we had settled more with our decision to home school and accepted this next stage in our ‘educational’ journey Samuel and I decided that a topic based approach would be best. I initially started by running our day very like school with lessons in 45 minute blocks. This really did not work for us and neither was it necessary. Children with ADHD often lack focus and are easily distracted so I found it good to have a quite space for Samuel where he was relaxed but without constant interruption or unnecessary distractions. We compiled a little timetable to help with his organisation, which he really struggles with, but flexibility within that was the best for both of us. Samuel often hyper focuses (another characteristic of both ADHD and Aspergers) and rather seeing that as a deficit we let it work to our advantage. If Samuel was really fired up about a subject and wanted to work on it all day then that was fine. It was amazing how much he covered in a few hours without all the constant interruptions. I also found that when Samuel chose his topic it gave him ownership that also fuelled his motivation, which is not always there with these children. He is a bright child who thrived on this and rather than relying on a teacher for the answers he really wanted to just problem solve and work it out for himself.

Another benefit we found was that where at school he had been conscious of his inability to write and was embarrassed by it because of remarks by other children, at home he had none of this pressure. We did not focus on writing and indeed I helped to teach Samuel to type and would also get him to use a dictaphone to transcribe his stories which I would then type for him. When he was at school he spent many lunchtimes kept in to write up what he could not do during the lesson. The fact is Samuel will never be good at writing in the traditional sense however many ‘remedial’ lessons he receives so we decided to focus on his strengths and build up his self esteem again.

He has exceptional abilities in maths and computing and I felt unskilled in those areas so we decided to tap into distance education where he was able to do papers at his level, which was above his chronological age. He loved this time and built up a rapport with his distant education teachers that did not really materialise at mainstream school. Mainstream school teachers judged Samuel on some of the more challenging behavioural aspects of his condition rather than on the ‘whole’ person. Samuel at home talking online was not judged and neither did many of those ‘behavioural issues’ surface when he was working in a more relaxed, unpressured environment.

We have carried on in this way over the years until recently when Samuel decided that he wanted to do Software Engineering at University. We approached the local University and made enquiries as to how he could get in without the traditional qualifications. On research for us we found the best way for Samuel would be to enrol in Distant Education full time and he is now doing his OP subjects. He has been accelerated a year and is also attending University one day a week which he is loving. He is now 15 and for me looking back over the years I am amazed at how far he has come. I at times worried so much for his future because I was made to worry. Since Samuel has been home schooled we have really dropped many of the ‘labels’ that seemed to be so necessary for him during his time in mainstream. We have no need for labels at home. He is just Samuel. He no longer goes to all the ‘specialists’ he used to, who tried to ‘fix’ him. I am no longer made to feel guilty because I choose not to medicate him. I have found home schooling to be the best thing that we have ever done and for anyone who has a child with ‘special needs’ it can be so rewarding. I have really seen a blossoming in my child and I hope that my story may help, inspire or encourage others to take that initial step for a better future for our children who march to a different beat. J

Our Journey without Drugs

I was told by a ‘specialist’ when I refused to give my son Ritalin that what I was doing was an “indirect form of child abuse as I was not offering him the window of opportunity to realise his full potential”. He was 3 years old. Yes, he was getting into trouble, yes he was a handful, yes he could be challenging! However, I stuck to my guns and at the age of 15 he now attends University one day a week and goes full time next year studying Software Engineering. I kind of think he is realising his potential drug free! Drugs are not always the only answer, if the answer at all for some.

Things were hard at times and it has not always been an easy journey. I am proud of my son and what he has achieved. He knows himself as he is – not a drugged version – and is doing well in all areas of his life and he is my friend as well as my son. He is diagnosed with ADHD/Aspergers and is Gifted but also has learning difficulties, namely dysgraphia. We have worked together to find solutions to problems without the use of drugs and I really had to fight hard to convince Drs, schools and the so called ‘specialists’ of whom we have seen many, that I felt my way was best. It is only now that I really know for sure that my way was the best for us and I am so proud of what we have achieved and that I stayed strong against those who tried to convince me otherwise. I hope that speaking out gives other parents the strength to follow their heart when sometimes it feels like you are really alone in your decisions. It may not always be the easiest of paths, but for us it was the right one and I hope that speaking out will encourage others to follow a similar path to our own.

On reflecting on why so many children seem to be given medication for conditions such as my sons, I cannot help but wonder if our children just need more of our time but unfortunately in this time poor age it is often somewhat lacking. I am not saying that medication does not have a place for some, but I think they are all too often given out without having tried any other interventions. Again a ‘time poor’ solution – drugs are a quick fix but do nothing for the underlying issues! My son is living proof that there are alternatives that are far better for both body and mind! It was often a lot of hard work and believe me when he was younger, I questioned my decision not to medicate at various times along our journey. Children with these conditions can be utterly exhausting. However, it is something I believed in and I am happy with my decision. I think we always need to support each other whatever our decisions and also find what works best for each individual case. I just like to get the word out that drugs are not always the answer and wish everyone the best whatever path they choose :0)

Homeschooling Volunteer Lifesaver

Both my son and I are volunteer Surf Lifesavers at our local Surf Club. I never in a million years thought I would ever do this (and certainly not having emigrated from a country town in the UK where I had never seen the surf let alone needed to be shown how to use a shark alarm!). However my son decided on arrival to the Sunshine Coast that he really wanted to join up. I remember accompanying him to the beach and jumping around in panic as I saw him being swept at a rather swift pace in a rip and wondering what I should do. He was smiling, having fun and no one in the club seemed remotely concerned – only me – his mother! I later learned exactly what a ‘rip’ was and that they were very useful to get out the back of the waves quickly, which in my son’s case is paramount not only if he needs to do a rescue, but also because he now competes at both State and National level. 

Recently he has just returned from the Aussies having been awarded a Bronze Medal working as part of a team. I mention this as I am immensely proud as my son is diagnosed with ADHD and Aspergers. Working as part of a team is not something he has ever particularly excelled at. However our local Surf Club has offered him many opportunities to learn about working as a team and getting along in a group which is an essential skill within this field and indeed life in general. Most beach rescues are a team effort and it is wonderful to see young children and teens honing these skills which will always be useful in later life.

It has also given us opportunities to mix with others and meet people from all walks of life. The teenagers that he associates with in my mind are just inspiring as are the younger Nippers. They have caring attitudes and learn amazing life skills. My son at the age of 15 has not only gained his SRC, Surf Bronze but also his ARC/Defib qualifications, his Senior First Aid, IRB Crew certificate and is a very active member of the club. He attends as many patrols as he can and has for the past two years been awarded for the outstanding number of hours he has put in at the beach helping to keep people safe.

Because of his found passion in the surf it enticed myself to do my Surf Bronze which is no mean feat as at the age of 42 I had never set foot in the surf, let alone paddled a rescue board!!! I managed to pass my Bronze Medallion and it has given me so much respect for both our paid and volunteer Surf Lifesavers who put their lives at risk to save others every year. I attend a voluntary patrol once a month and have really enjoyed getting to know a lot more about the fabulous volunteer Surf Lifesavers that patrol our beaches across the whole of Australia. These clubs are completely run by volunteers and without these selfless people they would not exist. They attend patrols on all the major public holidays including Christmas Day and all in our club do so with pride and a smile on their face. We may have opted out of the school system for a variety of reasons, but we have not opted out of community life altogether!

Volunteering teaches children many important life skills. Not only does it add that critical element of socialisation, that many people (who don’t homeschool!) seem to worry about, with those of his or her own age, plus those older and younger, it also gives many more specific skills as I have highlighted above. Many positive personality traits like persistence, commitment, and the ability to work in a team are learned in a volunteer environment.
Volunteer experience can also be immensely helpful when it comes time to apply for college, university or a job. Depending on your method of homeschooling, and whether or not your child has sat any formal exams, you may have trouble applying for college in the traditional way. Having an impressive portfolio of volunteer experiences will benefit your child and help him or her stand out from the crowd in another positive way.

Volunteering is a fantastic way to take advantage of the freedom that comes with homeschooling while giving back to the community and helping your child learn important life skills. It provides an amazing sense of charitable giving and selflessness that I feel can only be viewed as a good thing. Happy volunteering everyone!